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To the Loss Dads

To the loss dads; please forgive us when we forget.

I forget.

I forget he lost his son too. I forget his heart is the only other heart hurting to this depth.

The only other heart capable of feeling the vast void, the permanent absence.


I forget he has to live through the birthdays without a son to celebrate with. I forget he dreads the angel anniversary just as much as I do. I forget.

I forget a part of him has changed too. He’s no longer the same person he once was either. Losing a child does that to you; changing you without consent. I forget he’s trying to figure out the new version of himself just as much as I am. I forget I’m not the only one staring at a stranger in the mirror.

I forget.

I forget the days he’s quiet and distant are not because he’s in a bad mood without reason; he’s just missing his son a little extra right then. I forget he cries as much as I do, hiding it better than me. I forget he has a letter in his top drawer written to a son who will never read it.

I forget I have a support system I rely on, carrying me through many days. I forget he needs a support system too. I need my other loss moms to feel normal; I forget he needs to be in the presence of his fellow loss dads to feel himself again too.

I forget.

I forget who we used to be in the before life. I forget what the days together were like without the weight of the world on our shoulders. I forget our list of dreams and goals we share.

For all the things I forget, know I never forget how much I love you. I never forget how grateful I am to you for giving me one of the greatest joys of my life.


**this photograph is of three amazing fathers who have all survived the loss of a son**

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